Teenage arrogance is a strange, universal disease. It blocked my ears, inflated my ego, and convinced me that I cracked the meaning of life.
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” ~ Widely attributed to Mark Twain (probably apocryphal)
My dad passed on when I was 12, leaving my mom with two mortgages and two kids to support.
Mom was the superhero of our lives. She became the whole parental department. Mom, Dad, banker, hotelier, chef, chauffeur, emotional support, and the emergency repair team for whatever I broke, including her patience and nerves.
And how did I repay her? Instead of appreciating her and kissing her feet, my hormones blocked my ears with the arrogance of youth.
To get through to me, my mom had to use reverse psychology:
🙂 When I brought bad grades home:
“If you keep ignoring your studies, you will end up cleaning the streets. You’d better do it well because I don’t want people to say that the son of Dr. Zelizer is doing a lousy job.”
Teen translation: She’s bluffing. I’ll figure it out. (Spoiler: She was not bluffing.)
When I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, I handed her my diploma and said,“Here, Mom, this is for you. Now you can stop worrying about the quality of my street cleaning.”
Mom replied, “This is for you. For mom, you need to bring the Master’s degree.”
Adult discovery: Mom was right. Teenage arrogance can be redirected. Good parents are emotional judo masters. And yes, I also gave her the Master’s diploma.
🙂 Choose your friends carefully:
“Watch how your friends treat their parents, waiters, cleaners, and anyone they think they can afford to disrespect. When people want your love, they show you their polished version. When life squeezes them, the real version walks out.”
Teen translation: You just don’t understand my squad.
Adult discovery: Mom was right. Character shows up when someone is tired, disappointed, or frustrated, or when they are talking to a person who serves them.
🙂 Take care of each other:
“Be kind to your sister, she is the only sibling you have. Love and protect her. When I am gone, you will take care of each other for life.”
Teen translation: Sisters were invented to test my nervous system.
Adult discovery: Mom was right again. After my sibling rivalry finally retired from active duty, I discovered that my sister is one of the kindest, wisest, most supportive human beings in my life. I admire and love her deeply.
🙂 The “curse”:
But there was one sentence I resented so much that I never repeated it to my own kids:
“I bless you to have kids just like you. Only then will you understand.”
Maybe I never said it because part of me knew I had earned it.
Luckily, my kids turned out better than I was as a teenager to my mom. A small miracle. Possibly genetic compensation.
Thank you, Mom. For everything. Even the street cleaning threat.
One final discovery:
The older I get, the more I realize my mother was always this smart. I simply became ready to understand her wisdom.
I regret every moment I was less grateful than she deserved. Luckily, loving parents often have a forgiveness department bigger than their living room.
If your mother is still around, tell her one thing she was right about. Even better, tell her where her wisdom is still alive in your life.
She may pretend to be surprised. But somewhere inside, she will probably say,
“Finally. The child has gotten it. Now bring me the grandkids so I can love them unconditionally while you try to pass on wisdom they will ignore for 20 years.”
